Random Acts of Conversation - A legacy

"Can I tell you something?"

This is how it started. No niceties about the day, just a random and direct request for conversation.

I had been crossing paths with a woman on my everyday walk for a few days. She was a runner. I was a walker. I had been watching her. She made approximately 12 laps of the field to my one. Her dog sometimes ran beside her. Her head was high and forward and she ran with the focus of a competent runner - no strain, no stress, just consistent and unlaboured speed. The dog ran alongside, her head mostly turned to one side, looking up at her crazy human companion as if she were waiting for her to produce a ball.

We had started to acknowledge each other with a nod. Always careful not to interrupt a runner, I would nod my respect and she would nod her gratitude.

On this day, I was the river side of the field, walking clockwise. She was the rugby end of the field running anticlockwise. She left the perimeter and started running towards me. When she got to within a few yards of me, she said "can I tell you something". Of course she could.......

She came to a standstill. I stood to face her, and she told me something which had recently happened to her which she couldn't integrate or make sense of. I listened and offered some possible suggestions. We walked slowly together towards the natural entrance of the field and out onto the pathway, until we found that we needed to go into different directions. We stopped briefly, but the personal nature of the conversation which flowed with our steps seemed a little incongruent amongst the stillness and hardness of the tarmac. The conversation finished and we parted.

The next time I saw her I asked how things were. We walked again, and we talked again. We talked about her situation. We talked about her feelings. We found some common interests.

And so we went on. We interrupted our very different circuits to discuss many things over the next few weeks. We shared a warped sense of humour and found commonality of views on womanhood and life in general. Our sense of camaraderie blossomed, and we took it out of the boundaries of the walking field and into the world beyond. We walked different walks, went to dinner together and introduced each other to mutual friends.

From one single request for conversation we forged a lifelong friendship.

'Lifelong' was unfortunately the operative word because my dear friend was ill. She was more ill than either of us initially knew, wanted to recognise or give credence to. For two years we fought her disease like veritable soldiers. I dug deep into my bag of knowledge of alternative therapies and she frantically googled the ideas I came up with for anything that resonated. We made it our daily mission to support our quest with ideas, strength and humour. We looked for signs together and when we saw one we put all our money on it to win.

During the remainder of her life, that one small request for conversation gave us so many gifts. She benefitted from being amongst my crazy loving family. I benefited from her enormous courage and drier-than-dry humour. We met gentle and powerful healers. The good karma we were creating was tangible.

After her death I made some firm friendships from her connections. I fell in love, and I am still meeting friends of her friends who are becoming an important part of my life. The ripples keep on spreading and the gift keeps on giving.

Never underestimate the potential of a random piece of conversation.

The throw-away comment about a brand of toothpaste with the cashier in the supermarket may be ignored, but on the other hand you may learn something about their dental problem and be able to relieve an anxiety. That happened to me once: Tesco Express!

Sometimes people ignore your efforts. Sometimes they look at you as if you might be thinking of asking them something particular personal or embarrassing. Sometimes they may look at you in complete gob-smacked incredulity that you can speak at all! What does that matter?

Occasionally you even get some rudeness in return. That doesn't matter either. Each reaction says more about them than it does about your attempt to connect.

What does matter is the intention in reaching out.

What does matter is the difference you can make to someone else's day.

What does matter is the difference you can make to someone else's life, and they to yours.

Not every act of random conversation will turn out to be the precious nugget that was Jane, but when you pan for gold there will often be something glistening in the bottom of the sieve…. And it will be yours to keep forever, the nugget of gold amongst the silt of everyday life.